With persistence, people almost always find the romantic partner they want. This is one of the surprising things I’ve learned from years of being a therapist.
I spend countless hours talking with lonely people who wonder if they will ever find the romantic partner they want. In the end, they usually do. Sometimes this happens in the course of their therapy with me. Or, it might happen several months or several years down the road, and I hear about it.
It’s a striking finding.
Fifteen years ago, when I started my practice, I never would have predicted such a phenomenon. Like most people, I assumed that lonely people tended to remain lonely. Not so, it turns out. Happiness, with the right attitude and the proper course of action, can be the usual — instead of the unusual and the rare.
I expect there are exceptions to this rule; but I can’t think of one I’ve seen, off the top of my head.
The only time people don’t find a suitable romantic partner, in my experience, is when they consciously choose to give up. Or when they have impossible expectations, as opposed to high standards. Or when they prefer, for some reason, to simply remain single.
The lesson from this positive experience, especially if you are single? Don’t give up.
And don’t settle, either. Find someone who shares your core values. Find someone who is honest, introspective, and has integrity. (These qualities are interconnected).
Seek a mate who wants to live life in the same basic way you want to live life. At the same time, there should be a few differences — about non-fundamental issues — just to keep it interesting.
Perhaps most important: find someone who inspires you, just by being him- or herself. Don’t look down, for someone to help you feel superior, as so many do today. Instead, look up. Find your hero or heroine. Romance need not die. In many private lives, even today, romance flourishes.
